Essay Prompt #1
Describe a custom from your country that
you would like people from other countries to adopt. Explain your choice, using
specific reasons and examples.
Imagine that you are asked to answer this
question: “What is most necessary for a human to live?” Most common answers to
this question is daily stuffs such as “food”, ”water”, ”clean air”, and etcetera.
These answers are reasonable, and maybe they are right. Yet, in my opinion, the
most important factor for human life is keeping warm environment. If not for
heating systems, we would still be suffering from chilling winds of winter,
thus becoming impossible to live in many parts of the world. In desire to
become warm, we have created, and developed many methods of heating systems, starting
from a single bonfire in primitive ages, to modern heating systems. However,
most common and recent systems, such as air heating method, are so inefficient
and costly, that they are wasting most of resources in the process of
converting energy into heat. Also, they harm our environments by causing
pollutants. To prevent these problems, I want to introduce Korean “Ondol”, Korean
traditional floor heating system, to the world.
First of all, it is essential for
people to know that adopting modern Ondol will significantly trim the cost of heating
system. Since modern Ondol uses circulation system, where the heat is
constantly reused, there is no need for new supply of resources. Also, not much
energy is required to process the system, and this consequently saves money.
For example, I have lived in houses with completely different systems: one with
air heating system, and one with Ondol. In the first house, I was afraid to
turn on the “air heating system” because it demanded me too much. In contrast,
the house with Ondol was always able to set the temperature to twenty-four
degrees, due to non-stop utilization of Ondol. Which house do you think demanded
less on the bill? Surprisingly, it was the Ondol, despite the fact that running
time of Ondol overwhelmed the other. Considering that millions of people are
anguished by the cost of heating throughout the world, Ondol sounds like an
attractive solution.
Also, there is more to Ondol than
only helping individuals save their cash. Ondol, as an efficient heating
system, will produce less pollution than most of other methods of heating.
Unlike other heating systems that use fuels, Ondol does not produce contaminant
such as CO2 or burnt wood pieces, since it only needs electricity. Moreover,
Ondol needs smallest amount of energy among the systems that use electricity. To
be specific, recent research shows that Korea, where most of house use Ondol as
their house warming system, use least percentage of electricity on their residential
heating among the world. While most other countries use 20~30% of electricity
on heating, South Korea only use 13% of them. If Ondol is adopted worldwide, fewer
resources will be used (to produce electricity), and reduce pollution
significantly.
Even though this short piece of essay
only explained about Ondol, there are many other magnificent Korean traditions
that can be adopted worldwide. In fact, some people may argue that there are
more important customs to be propagated. However, the most pragmatic among all,
possibly is Ondol. Unlike Kimchi or Doenjang which has been rejected by many
people due to their unpleasant odors, Ondol will not be repulsed by foreigners,
and rather be welcomed due to its usefulness; as explained above, Ondol will
help people conserve energy, as well as protecting our surroundings. If Ondol
spreads worldwide, people will dump all other systems and use the newly adopted
one. Even though it will not be necessity to use Ondol, people will know what the
wise solution is.

It was a great pleasure reading your essay.
ReplyDeleteIt was full of various facts that explained the effectiveness and the usefulness of ondol. I especially liked the part where you used statistics in order to prove your point. It made your point much more convincing.
Now the things that you need to improve on...
Let's see... first, I think you could work on your wording a little bit... For example "Which house do you think demanded less on the bill?" if we look at this sentence we get the impression that the house is demanding for the bill... I think what you meant here is that the houses get charged on the bill. So you could change it like "Which house do you think got charged less on the bills related to the heating costs?"
Well that was the comment written by your classmate Hosung Kim. And I enjoyed your essay~ ^^
I enjoyed your essay!
ReplyDeleteBut can we call ondol a 'custom'?
I thought customs as activities or ways of behavior which are usual or traditional in a particular society.
Besides that, you organized the benefits of ondol very well:)
+ Oh and for the third sentence, I think this will be better:
Most common answers to this question are essential components for survival such as food, water, or clean air.
Nice introduction and ending! I enjoyed reading your essay about 'ondol' and liked how you really connected it to diverse perspectives of the current society. But like 규현, I am a little suspicious about whether 'ondol' is appropriate for this topic and think that it is more of a culture rather than a custom. But besides that, good essay!
ReplyDeleteAs the two commentators have mentioned above, can ondol be seen as a custom? perhaps if you phrased it as a customary practice. . . also, I assume you are aware that Koreans were not the only ones to use underfloor heating http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Underfloor_heating
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